Silence! Oh you beautiful silence. You’re one of my best friends. The only noise you hear is the wind outside, brushing against the façade of the building. Taking a deep breath I relish the feeling of the silence deep in my bones and to the bottom of my soul. Calmness enters my body. It’s been a long time since I felt this calmness deep inside of me. Somehow – oh yes – I lack the feel of it. How it pursues my body in a good sense. Steadily my heart beats – as I focus on my task on hand. Tingles run over my body – excited what’s about to happen. Still, my mind is focused, just like a lion who’s observing it’s prey. My vision is everywhere – like an almighty god I have the ability to see everything around me. Looking at my target through the monitor in front of me I feel powerful. Like God, I know everything that’s going to happen and she’s like a small child, oblivious – only have eyes for the good things in life. But unfortunately – not this time. It’s almost sad what’s about to happen to her. She’s pretty, very, very pretty – I have to admit. Poor little girl. The smile on her face makes me smile, too. My body aches to act – to go for my deed – but I have to wait. The time is not right – not yet. I just have to wait a little more until her parents are gone and she’s all alone. No one will know what happened. Her parents will grief – and I feel almost bad for them but I do them a favor. The clock besides me ticks slowly – remembering me the time is still running. With the eyes of an Eagle, I wait patiently until her parents finally leave. They’re so clueless – oh so clueless – thinking of a beautiful evening outside. Though – this makes it even more arousing for me. A second later my body starts shaking of excitement. Calm down – I tell myself. One last glance at the monitors before I leave my den. All my tiny – tiny spies inside the house tell me – it’s time. She has left her room and that’s my cue. With a racing heart – just like the heart of a little kid who’s about to get presents – I enter the house. My little spies told me my target is in the big living room – making herself comfortable in front of the hot fire. Keeping myself in the shadows of the flickering fire – I hear those voices I always hear. I greet them with gratitude. Some would go nuts if they would hear voices – but not me. Those are my friends and they always help in situation like these. Their whispers are humming in my ears – reminding me of the beautiful twitters of a bird. It’s calming my senses – though I got a little bit nervous but hearing them inside my head quiets my mind. A cold breeze brushes past me and a smile slips across my lips. My friends are here to help me. Far-off I hear noises and a slight chuckle escapes me – but oh so slightly – my target does not even hear it. Though she heard the noises in the distance. Fear – aw fear one of my favorite expressions – clearly draws across her face. Even over the distance I can feel her fear – and smell it. But that’s what I need – her fear empowers me – it’s like lifeblood for me. Inhaling the air deeply into my lunges – her fear consumes my body and mind – arousing me. Without realizing I start to hum. My pretty little girl looks so terrified. I just want to hold her in my arms – giving her support. One of the voices pulls me out of my delightful thoughts – telling me to go for the deed. Concentration – I need you now. Taking a deep breath – to clear my focus – I go for it. Deep inside my soul I can feel the thrill – the adrenaline that’s always consuming me if I go for it. I love that feeling. Tiptoeing – carefully not to scare her any more than she already is – I make my way over to her. She can’t see me and this is my advantage. Poor little bird – I’m sorry for what I am about to do but I have to. I have to satiate my needs. Even though this might sounds crazy – well it is crazy; some would even consider me mad – this I my satisfaction. Other people like to spend time with their friends in a restaurant – so this is my way of spending time with my friends. Unfortunately my friends are only there if I am about to do something bad – but even though I have no problem with being bad; and it’s giving me the best thrill of my life – I can totally live with that.
Closer and closer. I am almost there. Taking a second I relish her nearness – her scent; which smells like a beautiful flower. Thump – thump; I keep hearing a thumping noise which comes from her heart. Her heart rate matches mine – though we have different reasons for our racing hearts. It’s a beautiful sounds – I could listen to it all day; like a lovely melody. I would do everything to continue to hearing this melody – but I can’t. Procrastination – why am I procrastinating? Usually I would have done the deed already and would feel the after wave and satisfaction – but not today. So, what’s keeping me? I can’t explain my confused feelings. Is it her beauty that keeps me back or is it my guilt. Ha – there it is; I feel almost guilty. I have never had this before – she’s different; but still, it’s not holding me back. The sensation I feel afterwards is worth more than all of this. Pushing the guilt aside I grab into my pocket. The weight of the syringe in my hand makes me smile. This is it – lunging forward I put the syringe in the delicate spot on her neck. She hasn’t even heard me approaching – so she’s startled by my move. Her body jerks back – in a way I like – and a loud scream escapes her. Oh, oh – so a delicate sound; it’s like a piece of Bach – at least for me. If I would have known her sound before I would have gone for her earlier. The excitement in my body can’t be contained anymore. Even though it’s sad; for me – I muffle her voice with my hands – just in case no one hears her. Her body moves next to mine – so delicate as she tries to escape me. But I hold her in check.
‘Calm down, my sweet little bird! I’m not going to hurt you. I am going to do you a favor!’ I whisper in hear ear as her attempts to escape me get weaker – and weaker. Minute per minute.
The sedative is working and her body gets heavy in my arms. Oh so slowly I lay her gently on the floor. She stares at me but she can’t move. Good, good! Paralyzed. The sedative only paralyzes her nervous system; she can’t move – but she can still feel; hear and see everything around her. My agitation is about to explode. How long – oh so long I have waited on this moment. It’s been a long time since I did this the last time. Way too long passed; so it’s hard for me to contain my needs and everything. My fingers start to itch; eagerly waiting to pursue the deed. Friends – oh hello my friends are back and talking to me in my head again. I welcome them in my head and let them lead me. She lies there – oh so beautifully; in all her grace and beauty. Brushing a stray strand of hair away from her face – dreadful eyes meet mine. Oh, oh – you really are a beautiful baby bird. Those beautiful dreadful eyes will haunt me for a long time; and I am looking forward to it. Panic is such a nice feeling and her panic keeps me going. Little bird – if you only knew that your fear your dreadful eyes and even your panic are urging me to move on – you would stop immediately. Cause’ that’s the only thing I want from you – your fear gives me satisfaction. Drawing out a scalpel out of my other pocket I point it at her face; she would struggle if she could move; but she can’t. Scream after scream tries to escape her – but it’s effortless. Her voice isn’t responding because of the sedative. Although the noises she utters are peaceful. Oh so gently I push the scalpel into her soft skin and start to draw a line along her mouth. It’s like cutting a cake with a chocolate filling – but instead the filling that dripples outside is red. A beautiful shade of burgundy – reminding me of my favorite wine. Pain; every where’s pain in her body and I can feel it in the air too; it’s almost touchable.
‘Shh; everything’s going to be alright. Just one tiny little step and I am done!’ I whisper in her ear. Reaching back into my pocket I pull out a bottle of chemicals. I love this stuff; it’s doing so much great. Putting the lid aside I put the bottle to her lips and down the liquid inside her mouth. It’s done. Now I just have to wait and see. Tick, tack.
‘Time is a humorous construct and you are running out of your time!’ I tell my little bird as I stand up from the floor. The satisfaction I feel starts to overwhelm me and I can’t contain my laughter. Pulling out a glass from the drawer I put some good brown liquid inside it – oh whiskey, you’re a such a dear friend – and sit down in front of the chimney; my eyes on my baby bird. The chemicals start to work – she’s choking, no suffocating from her own innards. It’s so delicate to watch her suffocate; how she’s losing her life. The satisfaction I feel is tremendous. I feel like a child who’s watching his favorite TVshow. Dear little baby bird – thank you for giving me so much joy and satisfaction. I could do this all day – being on a high like this every day; that would be heaven. I feel like a drug addict. Well, only I’m not addicted to drugs – I’m addicted to creating masterpieces. Leaning back in the chair I watch how her soul is leaving her body. The delicate noises she made cease and I know exactly; she’s dead, stone dead. I sip on the glass of whiskey, admiring the best masterpiece I have created so far. Proud – oh so proud on myself. Little bird, now your beauty will last forever. Her beautiful pure soft skin is pale but still intact and beautiful; her eyes are wide and glassy but still look like she’s living. I have preserved her beauty and it will never fade. She’s grace forever. Looking down on her I admire the doll I just created.